...life is not a Hallmark movie...
Dark days, everyone has them. Sometimes they are sought out after a loss. Sometimes they are celebrated silently out of a struggle. Sometimes they are used for forgotten memories and new cherished ones. This day in years past has been observed as a dark day, but this year it has taken on new meaning and understanding. Today is met with a new view and the quest for discovery of what the future will hold. For the last six years I have pondered about the future, "What will life be like?" In the very beginning wishing I had a fast forward button, just to see if we all made it out alive, sans prison record. There's plenty more life to live, but looking back I have to admit, I'm blessed.
I remember thinking and for that matter chanting to myself, "How will I make this work?" Life is supposed to be filled with change, it fosters growth and the capacity to learn how to adapt. However, no one is ready to be a widow, single mother or for that matter alone. At the time, I admittedly did not have the confidence in myself to do any of the afore mentioned things. But life happened and in the dust left behind, I adapted because I didn't have a choice. I adapted because I had four children that also had to adapt. They also had to understand that the word "unfair" shouldn't be in their vocabulary, despite the fact that losing their father was just that, unfair. Challenges, even ones of the heart, are a part of life and have to be met head on, "unfair" is the word used when you have already given up. I remind them how lucky they are to have had their father. How grateful they should be to be passing on his traits, humor, wit and love for life, even if they do not remember him. It was his gift to them, all their own. How could something so special be looked at as unfair?
Six years ago, I had a first and third grader, they are loving referred to as the Talls. Today, I also have a first and third grader, lovingly referred to as the Smalls. I often look at them and not only see the differences, but the similarities. I see these power house little people, routinely in awe of their strength and their capacity for love. I was talking to the oldest Tall, Oscar, one time alone. He was asking me questions about the days leading up to his father's passing. It was nice to talk about it in a really organic way. He had questions, some of which I thought he knew, and I had answers. From there we started discussing the notion of Nature vs. Nurture. I told him I often wondered if he was the person he is today because of all of the things he's been through. How losing a parent is seriously a life altering event even for an adult. Or did he feel he is the person he was always meant to be? He gave it a moment of thought and said he felt he was the person he always would have been. Losing his dad wasn't who he was, it was just something that happened. I'm not going to lie, after hearing that my heart smiled a little bit. Six years later, where once was uncertainty is now confidence.
That is not to say that life is a Hallmark movie everyday, wouldn't that get old after a while anyway? Thankfully, I am blessed with a man who understands my rants and lack of patience you think six years would have given me. He understands that he isn't a replacement for the kid's father, rather addendum. He is able to communicate with them in ways that at times I am jealous. He sees some situations from different points of view, which makes me grateful. He is balance where desperately needed on this tight rope called parenting. He shows love, gives love and appreciates things that most, even me, take for granted sometimes. The last six years have been a journey for me, but having him in my life, I know I have done something right with him by my side. He has brought much deserved laughter, adventure and compassion to this family. He makes the dark days better, and for that we are all beholden.
I was having lunch with a friend who understands the notion of a dark day recently. She coined us the "Shit Creek Survivors." When we get together, there is sort of a silent understanding no one else has with me. We do not see each other often, but we pick up where ever we last left off. This visit was one of enlightenment, almost celebration because we see how far each have come in life. We talked about our families, life and the craziness of motherhood. Recanting how the dark day now is met with a new perspective. Where once was sadness is now a celebration of life, love and the understanding that we, the shit creek survivors, have not only survived but thrived.
So, while this day is met with a tinge of sadness, it is also met with a grateful heart and the notion that life is not something to take for granted. Love is something that can be lost, but can always be found again and given tremendously. Every person serves a purpose, never let an opportunity pass to tell a person what they mean to you. Open your heart, your mind, your soul and always remember to have confidence. Life can be tough, but then again so are you.
I remember thinking and for that matter chanting to myself, "How will I make this work?" Life is supposed to be filled with change, it fosters growth and the capacity to learn how to adapt. However, no one is ready to be a widow, single mother or for that matter alone. At the time, I admittedly did not have the confidence in myself to do any of the afore mentioned things. But life happened and in the dust left behind, I adapted because I didn't have a choice. I adapted because I had four children that also had to adapt. They also had to understand that the word "unfair" shouldn't be in their vocabulary, despite the fact that losing their father was just that, unfair. Challenges, even ones of the heart, are a part of life and have to be met head on, "unfair" is the word used when you have already given up. I remind them how lucky they are to have had their father. How grateful they should be to be passing on his traits, humor, wit and love for life, even if they do not remember him. It was his gift to them, all their own. How could something so special be looked at as unfair?
Six years ago, I had a first and third grader, they are loving referred to as the Talls. Today, I also have a first and third grader, lovingly referred to as the Smalls. I often look at them and not only see the differences, but the similarities. I see these power house little people, routinely in awe of their strength and their capacity for love. I was talking to the oldest Tall, Oscar, one time alone. He was asking me questions about the days leading up to his father's passing. It was nice to talk about it in a really organic way. He had questions, some of which I thought he knew, and I had answers. From there we started discussing the notion of Nature vs. Nurture. I told him I often wondered if he was the person he is today because of all of the things he's been through. How losing a parent is seriously a life altering event even for an adult. Or did he feel he is the person he was always meant to be? He gave it a moment of thought and said he felt he was the person he always would have been. Losing his dad wasn't who he was, it was just something that happened. I'm not going to lie, after hearing that my heart smiled a little bit. Six years later, where once was uncertainty is now confidence.
That is not to say that life is a Hallmark movie everyday, wouldn't that get old after a while anyway? Thankfully, I am blessed with a man who understands my rants and lack of patience you think six years would have given me. He understands that he isn't a replacement for the kid's father, rather addendum. He is able to communicate with them in ways that at times I am jealous. He sees some situations from different points of view, which makes me grateful. He is balance where desperately needed on this tight rope called parenting. He shows love, gives love and appreciates things that most, even me, take for granted sometimes. The last six years have been a journey for me, but having him in my life, I know I have done something right with him by my side. He has brought much deserved laughter, adventure and compassion to this family. He makes the dark days better, and for that we are all beholden.
I was having lunch with a friend who understands the notion of a dark day recently. She coined us the "Shit Creek Survivors." When we get together, there is sort of a silent understanding no one else has with me. We do not see each other often, but we pick up where ever we last left off. This visit was one of enlightenment, almost celebration because we see how far each have come in life. We talked about our families, life and the craziness of motherhood. Recanting how the dark day now is met with a new perspective. Where once was sadness is now a celebration of life, love and the understanding that we, the shit creek survivors, have not only survived but thrived.
So, while this day is met with a tinge of sadness, it is also met with a grateful heart and the notion that life is not something to take for granted. Love is something that can be lost, but can always be found again and given tremendously. Every person serves a purpose, never let an opportunity pass to tell a person what they mean to you. Open your heart, your mind, your soul and always remember to have confidence. Life can be tough, but then again so are you.
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